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Tuesday, December 5, 2017

De-Cinema-Ber Day 4: It

***Edit because apparently I don't know the date...... Oops. December 3 apparently only happens once a year, not twice....***

I've been trying out horror lately, so for day 3 4 let's talk It (2017, Bill Skarsgârd).

Full disclosure: this was my first real horror movie. I saw Crimson Peak (2015, Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska, Jessica Chastain) 2 years ago but that wasn't really horror. I saw Get Out (2017, Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Bradley Whitford), but that was more dark comedy than scary. I talked myself into seeing It because a) I heard really good things, b) I saw The Dark Tower (2017, Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor) and rumor has it they're working on a whole Steven King cinematic universe and I want to be up to date, and c) my go to theater had a sensory friendly screening so I got to see it with the lights on.

So there I was, first real horror movie ever. And you know what? I was ok. I kind of liked it. I didn't walk out scared. I haven't had nightmares. I wasn't even particularly scared while watching the movie. The jump scares got me of course, but beyond the jolt of brief adrenaline, I didn't experience real fear.

It did make me think about fear though, which to me is why this was a really great film.

If you are completely unfamiliar with It, I'm guessing it's due to a conscious choice to avoid it since it's not exactly a new movie, but I will sum up:

In a small town in Maine, people, especially children, disappear at an alarming rate. A plucky group of misfit pre teens find themselves hunted by a shapeshifting creepy thing to whom they begin to refer as "it." Each of the kids has something hard or frightening happening in their home lives, missing siblings, parents with munchhausens, abusive parents, etc.

It is basically a creepy clown boggart with a little dementor thrown in for good measure. It feeds on fear. Luckily, when the kids start focusing on what is real and what is it they can focus on beating the thing.

It's a cool question though. What is fear? Obviously when you're in a position to be afraid it is how you know that you want to get away. Of course we all have fears, but when those fears aren't present, what is the emotion? The more you think about it, the less it exists. And suddenly *poof* the shapeshifting killer clown from outerspace (I think? That's what I'm getting from google. That isn't covered in this movie but I guess people know that from the original movie and the book) doesn't have power over you.

Besides that, the kids have very real things to be frightened of in their lives. The clown is just copycatting those things and basically why bother.

Beyond an exploration into the deep philosophical concept of fear, this is also a pretty blatant coming of age story. We see one of the most blatant "ok this is a period" moments of all time when the girl is covered by a literal wave of blood. Blood comes shooting out of the drain and drenches her entire bathroom. You couldn't have less subtle imagery if you clobbered the audience over the head with it.

So there you have it. I saw a horror movie and convinced myself fear doesn't exist.

***obligatory special shout out to Bill Skarsgârd for being really attractive and making the whole creepy killer clown thing weird AF 'cause omg he's prettyyyy***

Monday, December 4, 2017

De-Cinema-Ber Day 3: Justice League

Ok soooo..... DC is not Marvel. Has anyone, you know, told them that?

This is a good time to mention, Ben Affleck is the only Batman I've ever seen. Pretty sure Man of Steel (2013, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Russell Crowe) was my first Superman movie. Not that I've seen any since.

So basically here is my take: DC movies are kind of terrible. The one really good one was Wonder Woman (2017, Gal Gadot, Chris Pine). You know what made it good? Women. When I saw Batman v Superman (2016, Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill), I kind of thought Gal Gadot's character was bland and boring. I was excited for Wonder Woman before I saw it but not because of her entrance in Bruce and Clark's shadow. I was excited because it was a girl superhero movie written by women. That it wound up being really good was kind of just a bonus.

Apparently, we were all right about those women writers though. Which makes me a little sad. Diana Prince was plenty sexy in her feature film but she made herself sexy. She wasn't filmed particularly sexually. She was just filmed. There was no male gaze. There were superhero power poses, the same ones the men take. Compare that to Justice League (2017, Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Henry Cavill, Ezra Miller, Ray Fisher, Jason Momoa). So many hip pops. SO MANY HIP POPS. WHY SO MANY HIP POPS. SHE STANDS AND SURVEYS DAMAGE AND POPS A HIP. WHY DOES SHE DO THAT.

Full disclosure, yes, it is a standard way for women to stand. Yes I do it too. It is very possible that if I go through Wonder Woman I will find plenty more Diana hip pops. However. WW hip pops will not have Diana standing next to male superheroes who got 99% of the one liners who are definitively not popping their hips.

I will give some credit for not as many butt shots as they could have done. They didn't have any of those Black Widow sashaying away from kicking ass shots. That's a plus. I guess. But the standard is clearly unbelievably low.

As for the rest of the movie? Yawn. It was DC very blatantly pretending to be Marvel (energy boxes that have to be separated or else doomsday? Check. Evil villain who they knew was coming from a mysterious and slightly explained other plain/world/realm/thingy? Check. Rich guy with cool gadgets bringing together some people with an odd assortment of talents? Check and check). It didn't work super well. They're just trying so damn hard. They've done one thing better than Marvel: they've done the feminist woman superhero. They should keep that up because oh dear heavens nothing else seems to work for them.

***Obligatory special shout out to Lord Nicholas Devereaux because I still think it's hilarious to think he was cast as Steve Trevor so that Marvel couldn't have the full set of Chrises***

Saturday, December 2, 2017

De-Cinema-Ber Day 2: A Christmas Prince

For Day 2, we'll be discussing Netflix's branch into sappy movie land with A Christmas Prince (2017 starring exclusively people I have never heard of). I am a big fan of cheesy made for TV movies, especially the Christmas-y ones. I watch A Christmas Kiss at least once a month.

This movie was a new level though. The family was good and the chemistry was nice. I totally bought how she fell for the guy and all. But oh sweet mother of pearl no one was any good at subterfuge and how did everyone struggle that hard?

First, we have the moment when a random wandering person in the palace is confirmed to be someone with precisely zero verification. Then when a journalist is undercover she employs no common sense about hiding anything. She leaves things in the open, she hides her passwords terribly, and she keeps the sound on her phone when she's trying to surreptitiously take photos. Also she's really obvious that she's taking photos.

And then we have the convoluted politics and legal mumbo jumbo. They encounter a moderate constitutional crisis which is solved with a quick and easy hand written decree. None of the documents are ever verified aside from a speedy "it's the king's seal!" The issue they are dealing with is a very complicated legal inheritance question which as far as I know has no answer and every monarchy has its own rules. But first it's an easy no and then it's an easy yes. And at no point in the 20 or 30 years that the late king knew this issue could come up did he do this easy answer until he was on his death bed? Please.

The schmaltz I'll give them. Because it's a movie about an American journalist falling in love with an about to inherit king.

So should you see this movie? Sure. If you've got an hour and a half and want something cheesy and Christmassy. Just try not to pay too close attention.

***Obligatory special shout out to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle who have got me in a mood for royal romances***

De-Cinema-Ber Day 1: Daddy's Home 2

Merry De-Cinema-Ber!

I cut my NaNoWriMo so I promised instead I'm going to write a film review every day of December. I'm calling it De-Cinema-Ber because I'm the funniest person you've ever met. Mmmmkay? Cool.

So. Daddy's Home 2 (2017, Mark Wahlberg, Will Ferrell). Full disclosure, I never saw the first movie. I knew the premise of the co-dadding thing getting messed around because all the grandfathers are showing up and that's about it. Well, I also knew it takes place at Christmas. But I didn't get that from the trailers. I learned that from driving around my home town and seeing all these big white sheets pinned to the ground.

Oh yeah did I mention that? A bunch of it was filmed in my town. I never saw anything other than the trailers and set decorations but I have friends who have pictures of the stars. I can take or leave Mel Gibson (that's a lie. I'd prefer to leave him. He was well cast though. I'll give him that), but Mark Wahlberg being in my town? Amazing. So cool. MW and the Dropkick Murphy's and a snow ball fight on the very same church lawn I regularly cut across? Made me excited enough to subtly text my siblings under my coat in the theater.

Aside from my excitement from seeing landmarks I know and love this movie was mostly not great. I spent a lot of time wanting to punch Mel Gibson's character.

The basic plot is that Brad (Will Ferrell. Does he ever play characters who are grown up and not annoying by the way? He's basically playing Buddy again....) and Dusty (Mark Wahlberg) are trying to come together for their kids' sake. Their dads show up and their plans for a together Christmas go slightly awry. Wedges are driven into already precarious friendships and the kids (and the mom who balances being a background character with actually taking care of the kids surprisingly well) are along for the ride.

In the end everyone winds up together and happy for Christmas because this is a Christmas movie about parenthood and those end with montages of happy family goofy times. Have you never seen a Christmas movie before.

In spite of the mediocrity, a lot of it was very funny and while also forced and predictable the ending was adorable. Some majorly identical parallels to A Bad Moms Christmas right at the end, but cute and fun and funny.

But as I said, the landmarks were why I really liked this movie. And why I can tell you that when you turn a small New England town in May into a ski town at Christmas you pin these white sheets to the ground and it looks kind of dumb in person but impressively snow like on camera. So A+ film set designers. I really didn't think it was gonna look like snow but it did.

Do I recommend this movie? Yeah, sure. It was fun. Dumb but fun.

***Obligatory special shout out to anyone who works at AMC. The characters wind up at a Showcase at one point and that felt very wrong to me and that's why y'all shouldn't be casting me as Darth Vader. I'm too loyal to you guys***

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria

So I was lying in bed, thinking about wedding marches-as you do, which brought me to How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria, from The Sound of Music. I wrote a defense of Baroness Schreider two years ago (and I stand by it) and I'm not sure I've actually watched the film since then, but I've seen it enough times.

There is, I suppose, a fairly strong argument to be made that it's kind of bad to use HDYSAPLM as a wedding march. It implies that there is an answer to the title question and that answer is to marry her off and then either she becomes the husband's problem or he at least takes control of her and she behaves.

I could not disagree more.

Think about the lyrics-what is she doing wrong? Plenty, but why are these things wrong? She's climbing trees, she's, waltzing, singing, whistling, she likes curling her hair. She makes some of the sisters laugh. I can understand these things make you a less than stellar nun (I also think being a nun sounds a little boring but that might be kind of the point of the cloistering, so maybe I'd just be a bad nun too).

But they also would make you a pretty decent governess and/or mother.

And look at the chorus:

How do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down
How do you find a word that means Maria
A flibbertijibbet, a will o' the wisp, a clown
...
How do you keep a wave upon the sand
Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand

Can you do any of these things?

You can't. That's the point. You can't "solve" a problem like Maria.

She isn't a problem, she isn't "a headache" or "an angel. She's a girl."

So, how do you solve a problem like Maria? You find her a life where the things that make her who she is become her strengths, instead of her weaknesses.

And that's why if you want to walk down the aisle to the nuns of The Sound of Music just like Julia Andrews it's okay.

***Obligatory special shout out to my parents who used the March of the Siamese Children from The King and I instead of How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria at their wedding***

Saturday, May 6, 2017

The Graduate: Coming of Age Kind of Never Changes

I am twenty five years old and have been a film buff for basically all of always. And I finally saw The Graduate this weekend. I know, I know. I’m ashamed. I added it to my list on Netflix when it got added a while back but never saw it. The only thing I’ve seen from it is the “plastics” scene, plus a few random clips (primarily “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.” I’ve seen that one probably a thousand times. I’m betting you have too). But I’ve finally rectified this (and on the big screen no less! Thank goodness for Fathom Events and Turner Classic Movies. Also for afternoons when I am at a movie theater and suddenly realize I have time to see a movie I’ve wanted to see for a thousand years).

An overview if you haven’t seen it/haven’t seen it recently/haven’t seen Rumor Has It:
Ben (Dustin Hoffman) comes home, a new college graduate. He has no idea what he wants and is feeling kind of numb, stifled, lost, powerless, and otherwise conflicted. He is seduced by a family friend, Mrs. Robinson. Even as he is having this affair (which he isn’t actually super into, except for the part where he gets to have sex), his parents (also note his father is John Adams. Or Mr. Feeny. But mostly John Adams. William Daniels for all you people who don’t believe in the wonder that is 1776. But I digress) and the woman’s husband try to push him into taking the Robinsons’ daughter, Elaine, on a date.

If you have ever taken a film class or US history class that covered the 1960s, you have probably seen the “plastics” scene (I know I’ve seen that scene a number of times in both types of classes). If you haven’t, basically, Ben is at his graduation party and a friend of his parents pulls him outside and says he’s going to give him advice, one word, “plastics.” I think it’s what he thinks Ben should invest in but to be perfectly honest, it’s a weird piece of advice that I never understood from the clips I’ve seen and still don’t really understand now that I’ve gotten the context. But you can find it on YouTube and see for yourself.

Somehow, this is the most famous scene. Everyone references it. And having seen the movie, I’m really not sure why.

More than anything, this movie is about the thoroughly powerless feeling the young people have. It was 1967. Baby boomers were coming of age and protesting Vietnam. The older generation had us in a thousand places that the young people weren’t thrilled by and didn’t have a say in.

And this movie makes this powerlessness very very clear. The opening is amazing in this sense, actually. We open on Ben sitting on a plane. He’s physically moving through space but he himself is doing nothing. He’s literally sitting. It’s the most passive motion imaginable. When the scene changes, he’s still moving through some other power than his own, this time on a moving walkway. He’s a new college graduate and he’s being transported on a literal conveyer belt. Is there a better metaphor for the rest of the world choosing your every action? The movie ends with the same sense, Ben and the Robinson daughter sitting on a bus, once again moving with no action of their own.

And then there was more. Ben’s parents gave him scuba gear for his birthday and we are shown the scene from Ben’s perspective, looking through the mask, with the suit blocking all the sound. I wish I had counted every scene where we could see people speaking to Ben or Elaine but couldn’t hear them but it didn’t occur to me that would be useful until I sat down to write this.

Now I don’t know how much of a thing this was 50 years ago, but in 2017, I will get very angry when a parent tries to control their child’s dating life. IE Mr. Robinson, your daughter has agency and you need to butt out of her life. Both trying to get Ben to date her and also arranging her last minute wedding. I’m prepared to concede product of its time, but with the only lens I’ve got, Mr. Robinson’s micromanaging just adds to the whole “the parents’ generation holds all the reins and the kids are kind of screwed and have to just follow the path laid out” thing. So basically rock on, A+ use of sexist parental stupidity.

My notes tell me there was a lot of water imagery. Like a lot. It’s not that interesting but I want credit for noticing it.

So here’s the super fascinating thing. You know who thoroughly feels the same crap that Ben and Elaine 1000% are experiencing? Millennials. You know who thoroughly objects to millennial complaints over the powerlessness we face? Baby boomers. Boomers who absolutely dealt with this same stuff 50 years ago, only when they dealt with it, their parents and grandparents hadn’t destroyed the economy. So they didn’t also think (and by think I mean know) they were going to struggle to buy houses, pay off debt, find decent/well paying jobs, or like basically everything else adults do.

Watching this as a 25 year old in 2017 is bizarre, is what I’m trying to say. A coming of age movie watched thinking explicitly and exclusively about the world in which the movie comes out tells us about that generation. But next to coming of age in every other generation? It makes you wonder, is it maybe just that it thoroughly sucks to come of age?


***obligatory special shout out to me because I took some notes for myself (super carefully. I promise. I don’t let my phone screen interfere with anyone’s visibility. There was no one sitting around me, I had my brightness turned all the way down, and I used it under my coat draped on my lap) and autocorrect gave me this gem: “look I actually through the scuba gear and not hearing anything is super telling too.” Also we’re shouting out to me because writing this wound up depressing me because of that last sentence***

Sunday, April 16, 2017

A Colossal Weirdness

I'm going to come out and say it: Colossal was a weird ass movie.

I went in knowing exactly nothing about it. I watched it because I was debating what to see and it was showing at a convenient time. Plus it was showing on the dine in side and I'm a fan of having someone else bring my peanut M&Ms to me. Also not having to decide what munchies I want before going into a movie. Yes, sometimes that's how I choose what movies to see.

So it turns out this movie was about hot mess Anne Hathaway (Her character's name apparently was Gloria, but I called her Anne Hathaway in my head the whole time). Anne Hathaway was an unemployed writer for an internet magazine. She also is a big partier. Her boyfriend (played by Dan Stevens, one of my current true loves. Mainly because of the new Beauty and the Beast. Which oh my god go see it but also yes I will review it soon) is sick of her chaos and kicks her out of his apartment. With no where else to go, she goes back to her home town.

Back home, she bumps into her old child hood friend. At this point the movie is definitely primed to go into "ok she's a mess, she breaks up with her fancy boyfriend, leaves New York, and gets her life together with the guy who has clearly loved her for 25 years." That's thoroughly not the plot.

She settles into her life and after yet another night of black out drinking hears about a massive (dare I say colossal?) monster wreaking havoc in Seoul. After a few days she realizes there's similarities between her actions and the monster's.

This is where it gets weird. At first she thinks she can have some harmless fun with the monster, making it do funny dances and things, but when she accidentally kills more people she is forced to face it with more responsibility and realism.

And then everything gets thrown thoroughly off the rails. The guy movie tropes tell us is her love interest begins to black mail her. She wants a variety of things. He wants her to stay in town and work in his bar. For the sake of the people of Seoul she has to listen.

This movie on the surface was really not very good. It was awkward and clunky and weirdly written. But it was incredibly well acted and well shot.

Once it was clear that whatever tropes were there it was NOT a romantic comedy, the idea of it being a romcom became frankly laughable, just because of the way it was shot. The colors were dark, the weather was super British (but it wasn't set in the Pacific Northwest. I don't know why but weather like this isn't romcom weather, unless the season is relevant to the movie. I can't explain this but just trust me mmmkay?), and if it had been a romcom it would've been weirder actually.

So for all that it was a bizarre story with a very weird magical power that was thoroughly not explained (major disappointment there by the way. I wanted an explanation. A real explanation), it was also a a really good story about (toxic) relationships and inner demons and abuse and definitely even touched on Nice GuyTM syndrome.

It's a weird story but it's really good art.

Definitely would recommend.

***obligatory special shout out to Princess Mia and the heir to the Earl of Grantham because I might have spent a lot of time writing little fanfics about them. And also picturing how the Dowager Countess would deal with Queen Clarisse and basically the transitive property of acting should be a reason to see movies in and of itself***

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Zookeeper's Wife: A really good, really stressful watch

Be prepared to cry, but maybe not at the parts you anticipated.

The Zookeeper's Wife is in some ways exactly what you expect. It's a fairly straightforward-based on real life story of the Zabinskis, a husband and wife (Jessica Chastain and Johan Heldenbergh) team plus a son, who use their now empty zoo to help Jews escape Warsaw during World War II.

You've probably seen, read, or heard stories like this before: gentile family takes in Jews and political dissidents (although movies always seem to gloss over the dissidents. The only movies I can think of where they talk about political Holocaust refugees are the ones about the political refugee. And Casablanca is the only one I can think of right now) at great personal risk. There are many close calls. The story probably ends after an especially close call. The family may get away, they may not.

This movie was pretty much that, but with a very intense love of animals thrown in. Practically every character at some point snuggles an animal, usually little ones but there's a lot of variety.

So synapsis: it's early war and the Warsaw Zoo is a thriving place. The keepers meet Hitler's chief zoologist, Lutz Heck (played by Daniel Brühl, who apparently was in Captain America: Civil War but I have thoroughly forgotten him) and he helps them revive a baby elephant (I heard a few snippets of Dumbo in my head during the scene. In a completely non comical way. A big part of what I heard was "Baby Mine," so definitely more tear jerker than giggler). Then the war comes. An air raid over a zoo is a particularly terrible thing. It's very difficult to watch animals being clearly very scared of explosions, not to mention dying in them. And of course they wind up with some big predators walking around as enclosures are torn apart. And thus begins the first round of animals dying.

When the word comes that the zoo should be shuttered and the animals killed, Heck offers to send their prized stock to the Berlin Zoo as a loan, to save them. The Zabinskis accept (slash can't decline) and the best animals are carted off. When winter comes, the Nazis arrive and announce the animals won't survive the winter and begin to shoot them.

At this point, we meet Jewish friends of the Zabinskis and yours truly had her first moment of almost crying** because they are Jewish residents of 1939 Poland and therefore have Star of David armbands. The armbands hit me hard, I don't know why.

As the Zabinskis are faced with friends in danger and an empty zoo, they open up their attic to the wife of the couple, while the more well known husband goes to the ghetto. The resistance soon approaches them to hide more Jews away. They offer to the Nazis that they will use the empty zoo to farm pigs to feed the military and use that cover to secret Jews out of the ghetto.

This movie is really hard to watch. I actually almost walked out a couple of times. It isn't graphic or obviously horror. You would only expect a few scenes would have an obvious warning for viewer discretion. But you never forget the subject matter. The characters are constantly stressed and there's an enormous fear looming over your head as you watch, despite the lack of on screen violence.

I liked the lack of violence. I suspect some people will watch this and think they didn't show enough of the horror, they humanized the Nazis too much, and that it's disrespectful to the Holocaust. I disagree. The story was told through Antonina Zabinski's eyes and was mostly a little hazy. It worked. There was no illusion that violence wasn't happening, it just wasn't on screen. The Jews were a lot less surprised by the violence than the gentiles.

And I think it's important that they humanized Heck, good even. For a large part of the movie you find yourself thinking that in another time and another place the Zabinskis might have been able to be friends with him. He is a multi dimensional character. It's very very dangerous to imagine that only evil people who walk around announcing their innate evilness do evil things. Ordinary people can find themselves doing evil as well, and even innately evil people can do nice things. Watching Nazis should make you uncomfortable, not just because of the terrible things they do but because you hadn't entirely expected it of them.

WWII history classes like to show movies about the Holocaust. I sincerely hope this movie is added to teachers' libraries. If this gets shown instead of The Pianist I will be a very happy camper (and it covers the same important things as Polanski's movie without having to deal with Polanski's baggage. We see the Warsaw Ghetto, the uprising, the burning, and Jews being loaded onto trains), but I'll still be happy if it is shown at all.

I watched this movie as a Jewish woman in a world with rapidly rising rates of hate crimes. I often consider and then forgo wearing obvious symbols of my religion. I am completely unsurprised at the moments which hit me the hardest. If anyone from other faiths and backgrounds wants to discuss, I'd love to hear from you.

My recommendation? See this movie, but make sure you've got the energy for it.

***obligatory special shout out to the people who encouraged/pushed me to do more reviews***

**It's not that I'm hard hearted, but I tend to cry when the emotions on the screen rise, not when sad things happen. I'm a sympathetic cryer. Or if something hits especially close to home. Like this movie. Without spoilers I can't explain the moment that had me in full blown tears with heaving chest and sobs, but suffice to say it reminded me of some of my favorite moments in my own life.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

What's Your Favorite Thing About Earth?

I don't know my favorite thing, I thought maybe the people, friends, family, but I think I have a new answer forming.

Gardner Elliot spends The Space Between Us searching for the answer to this question. And it's equal parts beautiful and heart breaking.

Sixteen years before the main story, a team of astronauts is sent to live on Mars, with the expectation of living there. Two months into the trip, the lead astronaut turns up pregnant. The pregnancy is classified and she gives birth shortly after they land on Mars, and promptly dies in childbirth. We jump ahead and meet the boy, Gardner. He is brilliant (and was raised by scientists), but he's lonely. He's only ever met the people on Mars, so an occasionally revolving crew of astronauts. Few people on Earth know he exists. He has technology though and has met a girl from Colorado and IMs with her regularly. She is in the foster system and hates her current family.

Eventually, they figure out a surgery to make his bones strong enough (remember he gestated in zero gravity and has spent his entire life in Mars's gravity. So he's gonna have weird health problems if he tried to deal with Earth gravity) to try to go back to Earth.

Being a 16 year old who wants to meet his dad (a dad who doesn't know he exists, I might add), he sneaks out of his quarantine and goes to find the one person he knows on Earth: his friend Tulsa. He and Tulsa then go on a road trip to find his father and find a bit of romance with each other along the way.

Gardner asks everyone he meets on Earth the same question, "what's your favorite thing about Earth?" He gets a variety of answers, but I think I liked the founder of Genesis's (Genesis is the company funding the settlement on Mars) answer best: he tells Gardner he likes the rain, that it washes everything clean. Not much later, Gardner has snuck out of the NASA compound and found his way to a bus stop to go find Tulsa and it begins to rain. Heavy rain, the kind that you either hide from or just walk out, look up, and laugh as it streams down your face and soaks you to your skin. It's a truly beautiful moment because everyone on the street bolts to hide under an awning while Gardner darts out from under the awning and stands out in the rain, looking like he has never experienced anything quite as magical.

And remember, he hasn't. The first time he sets foot on earth is the first time he's ever been outside without a suit on, the first time he has ever breathed air that wasn't carefully piped and filtered. He's been either inside a compound or in a space suit his entire life. He has never experienced elements. It's his first rain.

That was the moment that made me wonder, what would it be like to experience everything for the first time? Sunshine, rain, the ocean. The beautiful things.

And that's when I realized how beautifully this movie is shot. It's not particularly thrilling cinematographically, but there's a brilliance to it. The colors when they get to Earth are incredibly vibrant and it's all framed like you're looking at a new world for the first time. In many ways, it's like waking up in Oz.

And in writing this, I've realized something: I think my favorite thing about Earth isn't the people. It's what the people create: it's art. Art is what makes Earth, well, Earth.

***obligatory special shout out in two parts: first to Poof because I adore her, second to Celine Dion because this movie has put My Heart Will Go On in my head for the last week***

Friday, February 3, 2017

A Fascinating Tale of Cherries

I'd like to tell the incredibly fascinating saga I experienced sitting in the theater watching Gold.

A young woman orders a drink from her server. It's a drink she knows the bartenders will be familiar with. She doesn't specify what kind of gin because she suspects they don't need to be told. She doesn't ask for cherries because she knows they don't need to be told.

The drink comes back. It certainly tastes like it's her preferred brand but is completely cherry free. She hems and haws for a bit and then decides she should give the bartenders a hard time for not giving the cherries. There's a competition on the cherry front and a new record was just set, not to mention no one else orders this drink. Literally no one, she made it up and the bartenders have all told her if they ever got this order they'd know it was for her.

She calls the server and tells him she actually wanted cherries (he doesn't know her. She'll give him the benefit of the doubt). She also asks if he knows who made her drink and specifies the two bartenders who really ought to have known better the most and says to tell them they owe her. He looks a tiny bit confused but heads off.

He returns and says one of those two bartenders says he's really really sorry but they're out of cherries. It is at the point that the girl starts cracking up. She says to tell him that it's the other guy's fault, because he just set the new record (the server seems entertained).

I'm sure it will shock you to discover that this intriguing tale is actually not the story of the movie but actually autobiographical.

THIS MOVIE WAS SUPER BORING AND GIVING THE BARTENDERS CRAP FOR RUNNING OUT OF CHERRIES WAS MORE INTERESTING.

Gold is the story of a a gold prospector (played by Matthew McConaughey). It's basically him running around asking people for money and then being really excited he found a huge mine. And then his world explodes around him. It just does it in a really boring way.

It didn't pass the Bechtel test, although it's also completely and totally from the main character's perspective and I don't think there was a scene he wasn't in, so that's not a surprise. I think there was only one scene with multiple named women, though, so it's not like it was super diverse.

So short story long, I kind of don't recommend this movie because oh my god it was so boring.

***obligatory special shout out to the guy who did my backing and forthing while I was sniggering about them freaking running out of cherries***

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

It's Star Wars So Just Watch It, Ok?

So. Rogue One. I have now seen it five times. I have spent a lot of time talking about it. So now we will talk about it here (I'm mostly including no spoilers, but also why are you reading about this movie over a month after it came out if you haven't seen it).

If you totally missed it, here's the plot: the opening crawl for the original Star Wars (that would be Episode IV: A New Hope if you are completely lost). So, a period of civil war. Rebels trying to get the plans to the Empire's big weapon.

I really liked this movie. As evidenced by the five times I saw it (I was actually only gonna see it four times, but then I started being told not to see it again and there was a principle at stake and besides, it was my birthday. You can't tell me not to watch Star Wars on my birthday. That's just not fair).

I love how gritty it was, how seamlessly it led into the original movie. I loved the characters from the original movie they chose to include. I LOVE THAT JIMMY SMITS WAS IN IT BECAUSE I LOVE THAT MAN AND ALSO EVERY TIME I SEE IT AND HE SAYS HE'S GOING HOME TO ALDERAAN I START TELLING HIM NOT TO GO HOME BECAUSE HE'S GONNA DIE.

(Sorry)

I thought the CGI on Tarkin and Leia was really good. I liked the little bit of Threepio and R2 (side bar: I just got an R2D2 Bop It and have never been more excited for anything in my life. Except for the kids Star Wars plate set someone gave me for Christmas. I was probably more thrilled for that. There was shrieking in a public place. But I digress).

My third time watching was the day after Carrie Fisher passed away and that definitely has colored the rest of my viewings. The first two times, I cried at a few specific spots. The other three times I cried at different times, for different reasons. This movie is definitely going to age with everyone remembering her when they watch it, even though she never appears on screen (she may have voiced herself, but she didn't do her own motion capture). Of course we'll do the same with Episode VIII, but having a young image of Carrie Fisher say "hope" to you the day after she died will make you sob. Guarantee.

Basically my feelings on this movie are super rambly but also go watch it 'cause awesome. Mmmkay? Cool.

And if anyone wants to sit down with me and watch the prequels, this, the originals, and then Force Awakens, I'm totally on board. It'll take us a while but it'll be awesome. I'll bring the popcorn.

***obligatory special shout out to absolutely no one because I heard "Wendy you can't see a movie 5 times in theaters" way too many times. JUST WATCH ME***

A Boy and His Pet

No, seriously, Monster Trucks is literally a Boy and His Pet movie. Here’s the deal:

Oil company is drilling. They find a water pocket. The scientists say “ok we should tell someone ‘cause it’s weird to find water so deep and could mean life.” The big money maker guy (played by Rob Lowe) is all “no because $$$.” So they drill. And then their equipment goes kablooey (that’s a technical term).

They realize some things have come out and yes there was life down there. They successfully catch two of them but the audience realizes the third is hiding in a destroyed truck. This truck is sent to our hero’s work where he is supposed to crush it. 

It turns out that our hero really wants a truck and also is kind of lonely. The rest of the movie is him making friends with the thing (who he lovingly names Kreatch. I have no idea how he spells that and I like my spelling so I’m not gonna IMDb it), the creature taking over his shell of a truck, and him getting close to his biology tutor who has the most obvious crush on him ever (and he has literally no idea and it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time). And also the oil people who don’t want to be shut down trying to get Kreatch back.

It’s pretty good. I enjoyed it. It’s a feel good thing. Not super deep and fairly predictable. The acting is fine (ok it turns out all neutral language about acting makes it sound like it’s bad but you’re trying to be nice. That is not the case. I just mean this isn’t a movie you walk out of going “oh my god that person needs a thousand awards.” But those movies tend to be dramas anyway. If the feelings they are eliciting are happy, you’re not gonna be impressed by the acting. I don’t know why but I’m completely sure I’m right). The music was fun.

It didn’t pass the Bechtel test. It literally had two female characters. I’m still deciding how I feel about the girl. The mom was completely flat. I thought the girl had character and developed and had weaknesses and had to learn things. She wasn’t a Mary Sue and had some dimension basically. I would have to watch it again to really talk character development, but honestly the character with the most development would be Kreatch (who kind of reminded me of Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon). None of the bad guys had any dimension or development at all.

But I liked it. It was fun. It was goofy. Kreatch was a little Star Trek-y, but that’s ok. If you need a fun movie to watch for entertainment’s sake or feel like being told very very blatantly that doing things for the sake of money and nothing else (oh yeah, there was definitely a science good, greed bad moral. I wouldn’t call it anti money or anti capitalist. But definitely anti greed), then I definitely recommend this movie. I probably won’t see it again in theaters (although you never know… If anyone tells me not to see it again, I almost certainly will. Which is my way of saying I’ve seen Rogue One five times and stay tuned for a review), but I liked it and will consider buying the DVD when it comes out.

Also this is not actually about the movie but I saw this in a totally empty theater which is one of my favorite ways to watch movies.

***obligatory special shout out TO ME. THE BIRTHDAY GIRL. BECAUSE THIS WAS PART OF MY BIRTHDAY MOVIE DOUBLE FEATURE*** 

Friday, January 20, 2017

Just Go Watch Hidden Figures, Ok?

We're just going to pretend it hasn't been almost a year since my last review. Ok. Cool.

I've seen Hidden Figures twice now, in the hopes of getting my feelings about it in order.

First of all, IT'S AMAZING STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GO SEE IT. THEN WATCH IT AGAIN. I can't begin to count the ways it's great. I like all things '60s, so the costumes were amazing (wait till I finally write about Jackie....). The cinematography was well done. The incorporation of old television footage with the rest of the movie was really well done and at times I wasn't sure whether we were seeing actual footage from the various launches or something shot for the film (some things were obvious. Actual JFK making speeches was pretty clear for instance).

Then we get into the acting. It was great. I loved the three women. If they don't all wind up with lots of awards or at least nominations I will be very surprised. Also it could just be me (but for the record I haven't watched it since August so it's not just my zone) but the three of them reminded me of the sisters from Charmed. They kind of matched up really well too. Dorothy is Prue, Katherine is Piper, Mary is Phoebe.

So this movie takes place in 1961, so segregation. There's a whole point of Katherine having to run a quarter mile across campus just to find a colored women's bathroom. Mary wants to be an engineer and has to deal with taking classes in a segregated high school. Dorothy wants a book on computer programming but it's in the white section of the library.

And it's pretty obvious so the relevance will be obvious even to the most obtuse and I think people might actually be forced to confront their own privilege after seeing this (note: I *think.* The second time I saw it people applauded the big moments and the theater was primarily white, so that's a good thing). One of the particularly relevant and especially sad moments has to be right at the beginning (there's a shortened version of this scene in the trailer). The women are on the side of the road fixing their car when a police car pulls up. The three of them immediately put on very passive faces and Mary gets warned by the other two that she has to be polite to the cop. The cop asks them for ID. The style of the clothes, cars, and hair is all that's dated about this scene. Not the policeman's attitude or the women's fear or care.

It's not all sad though (at least from my perspective). The big boss man announces there will be no more colored bathrooms and everyone should just use whatever is convenient (with a few great lines by the way). He clearly thinks that Katherine could have told him right from the start that there wasn't a bathroom she could use and when he realizes she doesn't have a restroom, you can see him start to figure out white privilege is a thing, but after that scene with the cop in the beginning, you as the audience actually understand why she doesn't make a fuss and just sprints.

And my final moment of "oh wow that's beautiful." The white woman who gives out the assignments to the women approaches Dorothy and tells her that she doesn't have anything against "ya'll" (in context it's pretty clear she's saying she isn't racist). Dorothy kind of smiles sadly at her and says, "I know. I know you probably believe that." There isn't even anything I can add to that. Because to quote Avenue Q, "everyone's a little bit racist" (although wow that song did not age well...). We can be convinced we're not but privilege is privilege and if you're not thinking about it you're probably not stopping the world from being racist and when the world is this bad, that's kind of the same thing.

Oh and it passed the Bechtel Test right off the bat.

***obligatory special shout out to the bartender who gives me really good drinks with way too many cherries and as of last night with my second viewing of this movie is the official cherry champion, holding the record of 12 cherries please don't ask me how this became a thing I really have no idea***